How fragile we are...

... in times like that we are speachless, and nothing what we would like to say doesn't really matters.

Only we can hope that we will be able to help when we will be asked for help...

It is so pointless to say anything cause nothing we would say cannot change anything. But it is still tragic to realize that we cannot help in any way, we can do nothing... cause nothing else matters...

I am here for You, no matter You will never now it.

Remember to Remember...

Is it just me or we just sometimes just cannot remind ourselves simple things:

Where are my "DogTags"? Where I have put those condoms? Where is my car key?

It is so simple, but let's think about last night. Do we remember it all?

I am really not talking about getting wasted and braindead!

I am think about simple fact that being exhausted by BAU, that after just a sip of... tea you are drifting away just to be awaken by child crying into the night as you wish to be able to howl to the moon in a desperate cry for freedom... freedom of getting enough sleep just to be fit for strugling next day. ... And then...

... Then you realize that there are some memmory leaks and you have no fucking idea have you for example complete a task that you've tried to accomplished.

I tried to connect it to my love for BEER... no better. So it is no use to stop it.

Right now I am trying to focus for a while before falling asleep (or just lay down and be ready to swim away)...

Fatherhood - something to be proud...

... just the other day I was wondering about my life. As always there were mostly complaints to myself about not being able to change anything, about loosing the possibility of becoming something more...

I realized that my problem is that I am always dreaming of becoming someone important, someone that people can look up to. About making my familly proud.

I will never become a sportsman, a politician (here it is doubtfull if my Father would be proud) or someone who invented something really important. I will never achieve anything big or make a break-through...

But what I haven't realized is that I still can achieve the idea of having someone to look up to.... two people to be actual.
And then I realize how easy and hard at the same time it is to get this goal!

It is only to be there for them.

Susanne and Lucas for You to be proud and to look up at your old man like I am.

But this is easy only at first after some consideration it is the most difficult and the hardest job to do.

To live is to Die...

Finnally.

After weeks of suffering and being stuck on mercy of others my Grandma died.

What is strange about it, is that I am conviced that even my father (her son) breathed a sigh of relief. She was only suffering for the previous months not able to do anything by herself.

And here we come to my opinion, as much as I loved her, I am pretty sure that being able to switch her off would be an act of mercy, nothing more. Especially it wouldn't be a murder or playing god act.

Euthanasia.

I wish that I would die fast and before turning into vegatable that is not able to wash, shit and eat.

I protest against the law that is forcing me to become a drulling vegetable on the mercy of others